(audience cheering) (digital computerized tones) - [dark voiceover] steam powered giraffe startup sequence initiated. (steam hissing) (digital tones) run protocol. number one silver. - [lighthearted voiceover]startup check a-okay,
start up sequence infive, four, three, one. adjusting the door. the door, a-okay, ready go. blue matter forge state,everything a-okay. a-okay confirmation, a-okay. hip gyrations, a-okay. super mode power thrusters, a-okay. (multiple digitized voices overlapping) (audience screaming and cheering)
- [dark voiceover] run protocol. clockwork copper. (voiceover chanting) (audience screaming) awaiting final engineer system catalytics. active dd roster, michaelreed and matt smith. (audience cheering and screaming) (voiceover chanting and rambling) synchronize performance for actors to
sollic operations and universal noise distribution engineer. (robotic mechanical tones) (voiceover rambling and chanting) - you guys ready? now come on, let me hear it. are you ready?! (audience cheering and screaming louder) well if you're ready, you're ready.
really ready. we're gonna start a countdown from 15. to give michael reed extra time to turn on the cameras, ready? fifteen, fourteen, thirteen, twelve. (crowd counting down) (drum roll) - [dark voiceover] steampowered giraffe is now online. thank you for choosing walter robotics.
- have you been a good boy, michael reed? - yes. - i'm glad to hear it. audience! have you been good boys and girls? i doubt it. (accordion tones) â™« oh children of ours â™« gather around
â™« just pull up a seat â™« and sit on the ground â™« for i know a story â™« and i'll tell it well â™« about a man named gomely â™« and how he fell â™« (fervent banjo twanging) (frogs croaking and crickets chirping) â™« one moonlight night
(thunder crashing) (accordion music) â™« one moonlit night â™« the bayou a silhouette â™« the air was sweet â™« and the fog was vi-o-let â™« the gators were all drinking tea â™« in a dreamy pantsless glee â™« i saw a suspendered man
â™« a banjo holstered in his hands â™« he had the biggest redsuspenders i ever did see â™« golly gee, that's what i've seen â™« he flicked the brim of his hat â™« and this is what he said to me â™« mister robot i am the suspender man â™« and this banjo hasshown me the promised land â™« i'll play a song, but in return â™« you put that shinycoin right here in my urn
â™« and i'll play you something fine â™« music's gonna blow your mind â™« i flicked the coin into his pot â™« gotta admit it wasn't a lot â™« two cents and then his fingers wriggled â™« he plucked those stringsand belched a giggle â™« he tapped his foot howled like a hound â™« igniting up the unholy sound â™« and i ain't never nevernever, never never never never
â™« never never never nevernever never never never never â™« never never never never never never â™« heard anything so great â™« call the vendors â™« big suspenders â™« that's what everybody wants to wear â™« they stretch to nantucket â™« put them in a bucket â™« and send them to thegnome trapped down the well
â™« tug 'em with thumbs is ideal â™« while rolling back on your heels â™« yeah â™« he played the two cent show â™« just like that he stopped playing â™« my jaw dropped to the floor â™« cracked his neck and smiled at me â™« and said buddy, gotta pay for more â™« by then a crowd had swarmed the swamp
â™« tossing in coin after coin â™« so he cleared his throat â™« and his fingers writhed â™« everybody shouted for suspender guy â™« that's what grandmawants for her birthday â™« bright red awesome â™« even worn by opossums â™« nobody wants their pants to fall down â™« ma and pappy want 'em too
â™« even the ghost of uncle stu - michael, fracture that banjo! (band jamming out) â™« all the children scream and dance â™« the banjo man instills a trance â™« by four am the press was hot â™« suspender man on the front page spot â™« suspenders were in and spats were out â™« the girls all sufferedfrom fainting bouts
â™« the banjos flew off the shelves â™« sprouting wings with dreams of being â™« played by suspender man â™« in the middle of february â™« the fog turned a crimson red â™« suspender man disappeared â™« everyone was heels over head â™« they found suspenders and that old banjo â™« sittin' right here on his log
â™« and though he's gone,that's what he gets â™« for sellin' his soul to the bog â™« put them in the blender â™« three bat teeth anda blackened gypsy eye â™« bring it to a boil â™« release your mortal coil â™« out pops a belt to wear for you and me â™« wear a dress and then you'd have no need â™« alligators had it right
â™« wearing pants, it sure does bite â™« he played the two cent show â™« (screaming) (rocking out) - good evening, ladies and gentlemen. and welcome once again towalter robotics expo 2013. (audience cheering and shouting) we are so so so, soso, excited to be here. look at how happy hatchworth is.
really, really. (monkey screaming) you really need to coolit, you're embarrassing us. - sorry about that, fellas. - for those of you whodon't already know us, we are steam powered giraffe. - [together] the singingmusical automatons. - and we've been programmedto entertain you. my name is the spine,
and i was built with atitanium alloy spine. - spine, is that all you have to say? - yes, hatchworth, cuzthat's my, back story. - badum bum. - thank you, i wrote that one myself. - my name is rabbit, and iwas b-b-built back in 1896. y-y-y-you know, backwhen it was still illegal for women to read and write. and all the men dre-dre-dressedlike mr. peanut.
i'm like apra-pra-pra-pra-pra-priceless antique. - uh, yeah rabbit, you'veaged like a fine, eh, milk. - downloading depression. - it was just a joke, sorry rabbit. - it's just a program. hello everyone, my name is hatchworth. my friends call me hatchy. my band mates, they call me the hatch. - i don't think we've evercalled you the hatch, hatchworth.
- shh, you're embarrassing me, in front of my hometown audience. and my pap paps, well hecalled me hatch-worthless. (audience murmuring sympathetically) - there there, hatchworth. now you know you never had a father, you just had an inventor. no, pap paps, you were never real to me! - that's right.
(hissing and groaning sadly) - hey, don't cry now, hey hatchworth. i know what'll cheer you up. - what? - how about we take a nice steamboat trip? - ohhh! sounds good. - hey spine, that's a terrible idea! we're trying to do a show, dummins! - oh no, i meant vicariously through song.
- go on a steamboat. - ohh, what does vicarious mean? - that's a word in the dictionary. - i should read that sometime. - yeah, it's a good read. - all righty! i'm always up for a tripdown them there bayou. all these shenanigans, nowwe're gonna be in a boat? you might call it, steamboat shenanigans.
oh, spoiler alert, hmm, hah. (guitar twang) â™« going up the river â™« takin' all my friends â™« we're all headed to the place â™« where the music never ends (laughing) â™« folks would you like a milkshake â™« chocolate or vanilla
â™« we got anything you want â™« and a fountain of sarsaparilla â™« welcome aboard the s.s. biscuiteer â™« feel free to chime inwith the music that you hear â™« this steamboat runs off of a catchy tune â™« if everybody sings along,we might make it to the moon â™« music so hot and loud â™« burns through thedeck, riles up the crowd â™« check your watches at the door
â™« bring your smiles for what's in store â™« dancing is free â™« one, two, three â™« steamboat shenanigans â™« smokestacks up high â™« are billowing clouds to the sky â™« while we all partake in those â™« shenanigans â™« take a trip with me
â™« the river below stretches on for miles â™« this is one steamboattrip that'll make you smile â™« the band that you hear â™« was built from metal and gear â™« gears â™« we all partake in those â™« it's raining down â™« on us â™« the skies are gray
â™« but we don't fuss â™« the cold is bringing us down â™« but if we start a song â™« i'll sing along â™« we might break the sun â™« through the rain â™« come on and celebrate â™« music was burning, burning â™« da da da da do-daw
â™« burning, burning â™« can't get away from those â™« i wanna stay with those â™« steamboat â™« shenanigans, nanigans â™« nanigans â™« and again â™« nan-i-gans â™« nana-nana-nana-nanigans
â™« all right â™« those steamboat shenanigans, woo â™« rock for free, guys â™« we know how to dance â™« come on and do it â™« all the mills, all of em! â™« we're gonna party all night long â™« but we gotta get up early â™« though i don't know about five am â™«
(piano flourish) - pocket square for ya, i'mjust gonna put that back in. that'd be cool. you can go to the robot ball. - thank you, rabbit. how do you feel, hatchworth? - i feel pretty good. i think we did pretty goodwith those last two songs, nyah-ha-ha.
- you know what i think this calls for? - what's that, pally? - i think it's time forone of our patented, and proven, celebratory handshakes. - oh, no way! - oh boy, celebratoryhandshakes, i love those. - you're gonna do thisone with me, rabbit. - oh boy. - cool, i can't wait to join in.
- you're gonna need a littlemore practice, hatchworth. - you come in like this, right? you come in like this? you stab it? - leave it to the experts, hatchy-boy. - how about you just watch us for now, and maybe a few shows down the road, you'll join in with us? - jeez guys.
- well he's gotta learn,if he wants to do this. - just watch, just watch, here we go. ready? - here we go, handshake away! - uh! - oh you missed, all right. - this is not working out very well. - is it supposed to go like that? - here we go, hand shake.
- whoops, sorry, that was punch, okay. (screaming and groaning) okay, that's not it either. woah! - all right, here we go. (murmuring awkwardly) - i can't do it, why don't-- (ringing) - [dark voiceover] alert, alert.
excessive organic matter particle buildup, in steam ventilation exhaust ports. overheating possibilityincreased by .03 percent. deactivating primary-- - oh no no, that's not necessary. - alerting motor neuralmaintenance network. (mechanical hissing) (lighthearted upbeat piano) (mechanical whizzing and hissing)
- hello. (mechanical whirring) (mechanical sneezing) (mechanical groaning) - you guys feel any different? - yeah. - a little cleaner, maybe? - i dunno. actually i don't feel so well, after that.
- my stomach is feeling mighty cavernous. - guys we don't eat, howmany times do i have to-- - you think there could bea dragon inside of there? - i dunno.- sounds like it. - pretty sure, no. - we better test that out, tearyou open, see what's inside. - you know what, i justthought of something. i'm hungry for a story. - oh!
- i'm so hungry. - that's not a real thing. (dramatic groaning) - my pains are real, i dunnowhat's going on inside of me! - no one cares, rabbit,let's tell a story. - okay, fine, you knowwhat, fine, a story? there's a little dialogue,there's a little play, that goes on, there's puppets involved. but you don't wanna hear that, so.
all right guys, i've gotthe perfect story for you. - uh, spine. hold on. - here we go. - wait, before you make acomplete fool of yourself. - chapter one. - if you could just stop right there. - if we could hear a story from rabbit. he's a superior story teller. he had one going,
just before you cut inthere with your book. - naw, come on guys. - humble. - you guys love when i tellthe old man and the sea, right? - spine, let me be frank with you. every time you tell thatstory in particular, i go into standby mode. and i defragment. - i'm gonna be frank, no wait,i'm gonna be hank with you,
because i don't like the name frank. i'm gonna be hank with you, spine, that book, (screaming) boring! (audience laughter) - well it's got a fish, and uh, and an old man who talksabout the baseball in a boat. okay, so it's not themost riveting of stories. what have you got, rabbit?
- once upon a time, ohthis takes place, uh, it's from the perspective of, the spine. the spine. - oh, well that's weird. - once upon a time, i woke upand did my spine stretches, and i needed to hand rabbithis c-c-c-c-crown of awesome, which he won from me rightfullyin an arm wrestling match, because la-la-la-la-la-let'sface it, i'm a weak baby, my name's a spine.
says so on my birth certificate. now anyways, i had the crown, but then our hu-hu-human overlords interrupted, and they said they hada certain mustachioed surprise in store for us. - no way, was it a robot named hatchworth? - pip pip pip, pip pip. pip. - i'm telling a story.
it was a robot named hatchworth. - oh yeah. - and this is what happened next. you're playing the bass on this song too! i hope that's okay. - but you taught me everythingyou know on the bass, why don't you take the bass for a second? - oh, i couldn't. - but you showed me all the sweet moves.
- oh i just don't wanna show you up. - remember that riff? - we have a lot of fun. - but senpai, i want you to-- - i can't play the bass. - michael reed, you wannaplay bass for the one song? - you do? - no, just kidding. - oh, you're on the piano?
- uh spine, how about playing the bass? - i've got the rhythm guitar. - it's the most fun instrument! - when you answered thatclassified, that said, we needed a bass player, so. - bass is so lame. - all right, here's a story of hatchworth. - yeah i'll tell it! - okay.
- a one, a one. a one, two, three. (guitar riff) â™« there's a knock, open the door â™« a human-sized package â™« rip through tape like butter - it's gonna be me. â™« and cardboard like toast â™« no time for instructions
â™« the fire's dyin' â™« two birds â™« one stone â™« i'll fill the tank with water â™« turn the ignition â™« and hatchy boy you're ready to go â™« fa-a-a-a-a-r â™« hatch catch fever â™« fa-a-a-a-a-a-r
â™« catch hatch fever â™« there's a hole in your floor â™« we gotta patch it up, give it a cover â™« a latch or hinge, and a turn wheel â™« now you're talkin' hatch fever â™« what's the worth of livin' â™« if you can't make a living â™« not living, but faux living â™« is there a difference
â™« a fevers a fever â™« come on everybody, prepare to get catchy â™« la la la la, la la la, la la la â™« la la la, la la la, la la la, la â™« la, la la la, la lala, la la la la la, la la â™« la la, la la, la la â™« open your heart to me â™« come on everybody,open up that chest cavity - woah kids, don't,don't try that at home.
- actually that sounds alittle morbid, don't you think? - well, you know, what have i done? (audience murmuring) what? â™« if you took my last bit of advice â™« you gotta get to the emergency room â™« please don't act out these lyrics â™« we don't want you to leave so soon â™« follow instructions
â™« don't hurt birds â™« and generally pair your nouns with verbs â™« study real hard â™« eat your vitamins too â™« when all of that'sfinished, prepare to catch â™« hatch disease, that sounds bad â™« it's not a real disease â™« but if it were in another world â™« then we're sorry
â™« we wouldn't wish it on anybody â™« well unless it makes you stronger â™« or live longer â™« well that's just a goodthing, wouldn't you agree â™« but for now they're just words â™« come on everybody,get down with the robots (technical synthetic tones) â™« there's not much left to tell â™« which hasn't already been stated
â™« consider yourselves 99.9percent hatchworth acclimated â™« la, la la la, la la la â™« la la la, la la la, la â™« la, la la la, la la la, la la la â™« that should about do it (audience cheering loudly) - rabbit, that was a mighty fine story. - nice jazz hands. - thank you. if i could just,
hello there, you young girl? can you come anddeactivate this jazz hand? if you could just deactivate it, yes you. come on. just give it a little thwack. good enough. oh, you got both of them. that's impressive. oh boy.
i think you might have broke this one. darn it, gotta get a new arm. - so how you guys doin' out there? you having a good time here at the expo? - oh yeah, thanks for inviting us. - i like being in our hometown, san diego. - we always like to be included, you know. - hometown san diego is sogood, like getting your-- - guys, i was actuallytalking to the audience,
sorry for the confusion. - oh, you're what? oh, you're still here. - so, how'd you guys likedino, and the league of steam, and professor elemental? pretty fantastic, right? you like those guys? - yeah, i like dino, too. - yeah, that's his name.
- i like the ligue o' staem. - and professor elim-mine-tuhl. that doesn't make sense. - actually i was talking tothe audience again, guys. your opinion's valid. - how embarrassing. - we're just having fun with words. - so how about anothersong, what do you say? no, i was talking to the robots that time.
this is confusing, isn't it? - i dunno, should theband play another song? - oh rabbit. - that seems a little out of left field. - rabbit, i commandyou to cease and desist with your sarcastic tones, you know the audiencedoes not understand them. - oh no, i was in earnest,i don't know, should we? - oh he doesn't know folks,he's really a dummins.
- yes, yes, i think we should. how about we play a song about love? - love? - luh-huh-ove? - luh-uh? (repeating "love" over and over) - love. - yes, that. - key of f.
the universal key. of love. â™« there was a time i was in love â™« and all the angels and the devils â™« couldn't make her say â™« i love you-ou-ou â™« you didn't have to look my way â™« your eyes still haunt me to this day â™« but you did
â™« yes you did â™« you didn't have to say my name â™« ignite my circuits and start a flame â™« oh turpentine erase me whole â™« cuz i don't want to live my life alone â™« i was waiting for you all my life â™« oh, oh, oh â™« set me free â™« my
â™« honey bee â™« eee-ee â™« ee-ee â™« you didn't have to smile at me â™« oh no â™« your grin's the sweetestthat i've ever seen â™« yes, you did â™« you didn't have to offer your hand â™« cuz since i've kissedit, i'm at your command
â™« oh turpentine, erase me whole â™« my, my, my, my, my, my - oh, it's cool. oh, be careful with that one. - ahem. â™« only me â™« hello, goodbye, it was nice to know you â™« how i find myself without you â™« that i'll never know
â™« that i never know â™« i let myself go â™« hello, goodbye, i'm rather crazy â™« and i never thought i was crazy â™« but what do i know â™« now i find myself â™« hello goodbye, i'm rather crazy â™« how i find myself â™« and i never thought i was crazy â™«
- [dark voiceover] incoming transmission. incoming transmission. activating antenna signal receptors. transmission source, walter manor. press one to accept transmission. press two to hang upso that you can pretend you were out of signal range. - um yeah, we'll accept, one, why not? (mechanical chiming)
- heyyyy. where did you guys go? what are you doing? who are all these people? - [rabbit] nobody. - are you doing a show without me?! - no gigi, it was justa photo shoot, promise. - hey gigi, how are you doin'? what are you doing here?
- not being included,that's what i'm doing. how can you have a showcalled steam powered giraffe, without your steam-powered giraffe? - it's going actually quite well. - you know what, that's fine. it's fine. but, maybe you shouldchange your name from steam powered giraffe, to, the three jerks whoabandoned their friend,
how about that?- that does have a nice ring. - you know, i spent thelast several decades powered down in a dustycrate, in the basement. - that was in a vault. - and when i finally awake, i can't even get out of the house. i just wanna romp and play, like all the other mechanical giraffes. is that too much to ask for?
(sobbing) - now gigi, look, we're sorry we left you after the photo shoot, buthey you're here now girl, why don't you introduceyourself to the audience? - but make it snappy, sister, cuz we're on a schedule. (gigi clearing throat) - hi, my name is gigi, which is short forgwendolyndia gertrude offerson,
and i'm a baby giraffe. but i'm over 115 years old, and i don't age, so that has some creepy, anne rice implications to it. but, look at how cute i am. and i'm small too, like the spine's grinch-like heart. - gigi, i only stole christmas once. - i wanna sing my song, really quick.
(gigi singing) - no, we' don't have time for this! - oh come on, i wanna have a song too! - gigi, how about at thenext show, we promise, you can have a song, huh? - can i at least sing aduet with michael reed? (mechanical groaning and whirring) - oh gigi, you're breakin' up. you're breaking up gigi, sorry.
- it's a crappy signal. (whirring slowly stops) - i hate you. - gigi, the giraffe, ladies and gentlemen! - well we're gettin' it whenwe get back to the manor. - it wasn't our fault. - it was someone'sfault, was it your fault? - yes.- oh. - i owned up to it, i sent her home.
- you know guys, i was thinking, you know, recently. - well, that's a change. (laughter) - cold. (maniacal laughter) (continued laughter) (breathless awkward laughter) what makes a hero?
is it their super powers? - (audience member shouting) no, costume! - he's got a point. - is it their great deeds? - (audience member) nobro, it's the costume! - is it their costume? - (audience member) called it, bro! - you know, uh, you know, anyone can be a hero, thereare heroes all around us,
believe it or not. - (audience member)can i be a hero, spine? - sure, why not? - (audience member) can you be a hero? - i suppose so. you know, a hero can beyour brother, your sister, your mother, your father,your grandpa, your grand pa, your best friend can be your hero. - now wait a second, mybest friend timmy wilkerson,
his cat got lost, andlocked underneath the bottom of his house, and hecalled the fire department, and the police department,and they all came. it turns out the cat waslocked in the bathroom. how is that heroic? - i, mmm, okay. you know, your fireman can be your hero. policemen, your teacher, your counselor.
anyone can be a hero, really. - or, or or, wolverine. - that's very good, rabbit. wolverine is indeed a hero. you know i once knew this one hero, and he went by the name of rex marksley. you may have seen him around here, traversing the dimensions and whatnot.
but you know, he was therootin' tootin-est gunslinger in all the wild, wild, west. - here we go again, alwayswith the wild, wild, west. lemme guess, you got thosestinky wild wild west underwear on that you never wash. - he's got all the cereal boxes, for all the western cereals. he has the lunch boxesand the cereal boxes. - he throws out thecereal, he eats the boxes.
- got a rope at home, he's all like: "bucca di beppo, i like-ame spaghetti westerns." - is that what he doeswith the rope, okay. - bump 'em and ride 'em! yee-haw, yee-haw, bang bang! - a sheriff badge and his clay pistol? i'm a sheriff, i'm a sheriff,i'm the spine sheriff. - ooh, city slickers 2! best movie of all time!
- billy crystal. - legend of curly's gold. - you got billy crystal. jack palance dies in the middle. - and he was the rootin'tootin-est gunslinger and we have a song to sing about him. - can i wear a cowboy hat? - well sure rabbit, thanksfor getting in the mood. wear your cowboy hat.
i like this, you get in the mood too. - oh yeah, i was always eh-- (vomiting) - ma'am. - actually rabbit, now i see the problem, your hat's obnoxiously big. - it's fine, you see my hat? - yes rabbit, is thatyour superhero costume? does it give you super powers, now?
- spine, does this hat looklike it gives me super powers? yes, it totally does! it makes my head look 10 times smaller. go on, call me a name, any name, just, any insult like fathead or something. - fat head. - woah! where did that come from? - you asked for it. - we're robots, slow latency.
- you really just attacked me, wow. - you asked. - wow, you guys are jerks. all right, skinny, i'm tired. - all right. - can you say get along little doggy? - oh, well i want a short dog. if it's too long, it won't be a good one. too comical when it goes around corners.
i thought of that right now,i'm pretty proud of myself. i'm putting that in thebook, we're leasing it. â™« one two, one two â™« rex marksley â™« finest marksman in the west â™« when it came to gunslinging, he was the best â™« rex marksley at a younger age â™« shot holes in cans without missing â™« sadly they were in the pantry
â™« so beans painted the whole darn kitchen â™« his parents then let him shoot â™« the empty cans out on the fence â™« rex trick shot out all the nails â™« so out the fence all the cows went â™« his father cried â™« when it came togunslinging, he was the best â™« rex marksley was a tinkerer â™« an engineer extraordinaire
â™« he made quick-reloading gadgets â™« so he could fire nonstopwith panache and flair â™« he became a gun for hire â™« and a hero wherever he roamed â™« he disarmed 40 bandits one time â™« with two gun shots all on his own â™« he had heart, and a righteous stand â™« and they tell of hisstories across the land â™« he jammed the guns that fired his way
â™« by shooting bullets intotheir barrels, they say â™« he shot lightning from his hands â™« with a miraculous invention â™« and sent that evil demon train â™« back to its own dimension â™« a giant copper ore golem â™« oh, it was a fright â™« til rex projected pickaxes with dynamite â™« he fought the corrupt rattlesnake king
â™« and it hissed in agony â™« then rex taught all the jackalopes â™« to yodel in harmony â™« here we go now â™« yodel-odel-oh â™« yodel-odel-oooh-ooh-ooh â™« yodel-odel-oh-ooooohh-ooh â™« rex marksley rode across the west â™« bringing justice to the land
â™« he tamed enormous vultures â™« reigned and flew them with one hand â™« all the women blushed and fainted â™« when rex winked his eye â™« and the bad guys always fell â™« to their demise â™« the man was a legend â™« and a hero through and through â™« and rex was a friend tothe battered and the bruised
â™« he'd seen a lot of wonderment â™« in his glory days â™« and he died an old manalone on the prairie, they say â™« ay â™« in the west â™« yee haw, yee haw â™« yee haw â™« bang bang â™« ahh-ooh â™«
- uhhhh, robots? hellooo? (sighing) oh, great. my humble apologies, ladies and gentlemen, it's just a minor glitch. we will be back up and running soon. i hope.
hey mike, you wanna check out rabbit, see if you can see anything? i thought we worked out allthe kinks during sound check, but, i guess we didn't. (digital beeping) hang on, wait wait wait, guys, guys. somehow my spg.muzk file got replaced? it's got something in itsplace called 313ph4n7.bi. that's weird, well, let's check it out.
- [evil voice] operationlast resort initiated. (evil voices in unison) mike, get in there, i don'tcare what you have to do, you gotta get in there, ha, ha. don't worry ladies and gentlemen, they're trained professionals up there, nothing's gonna go wrong at all. - [evil voices] too many copper elephants. - matt, matt, you gottaget in there too, buddy.
this is, all your training'sbeen leading up to this, come on. - [evil voices] copperafrican elephants detected. - i thought we wiped allthose bloody memory files, after the last show we did here. work on it matt, workon it mike, double time! come on, come on! we gotta do something,before this gets really bad. - [evil voices] selfdestruct sequence initiated.
- it just got really bad! just got really bad. - [evil voices] you cannot win this war, but you can take a fewof 'em down with us. - matt, mike, i don't care whatyou gotta do, pull the plug! where are the walter girls? (robots counting) (panicked shouting) - [evil voices] 19, 18, 17, 16--
- mike, take the circuitbreakers and shut 'em off, i don't care! - [evil voices] 14, 13, 12-- - matt, cut the power, usethe hatchet if you have to. - [evil voices] 10, 9, 8-- - tnt blast guys, duck and cover! - [evil voices] 5, 4, 3, 2-- (mechanical powering down) (electrical buzzing)
(car remote beeping) - hey guys, whacha doin'up here on the stage? - hey matt, you look a littletired, pally, go take a rest. take a break. - you guys must be hungry,you want some doritos? - they look famished. - humans, they need to eat all the time, and they get cranky. - we got some doritos in the back, right?
you just, chow down. - you look so flustered, what's wrong? - what's wrong? - he's hungry guys, he's hungry. he's too embarrassed to admit it. - the gopro cam, yeah. - it's all right, we know youhumans have to eat and poop, it's fine. we understand.
i think it's time for a sing-along,fellas, what do you say? - well that sounds like a tip-top idea. a tip-top idea. we're gonna bring outour very special guest, our make-believe friend, michael reed. - you guys see him too? - he's not make-believeguys, he's a human. - no way. - all right, i need your help.
if you know the words, sing along. â™« here i go again â™« i'm breaking up, i'm shutting down now â™« inside outside, decommissioned â™« wonder if it's painful â™« reading love and writing love â™« is technically the same â™« i am a living thing â™« i am not a human being
â™« but i'm alive â™« i'm alive - it's time to break outyour kazoo-kah-phones, if you got 'em. - turn off your alarm clock. - if you don't have a kazoo-ku-phone, you can sing along with the chorus. you'll catch on quick. just have fun, all right?
â™« oooh-ooh â™« woo-ooh-ooh-ooh â™« la la la la â™« woo-hoo â™« yeah yeah yeah, yeah, people â™« why just talk about it â™« can't we live without all the bounds â™« our society is make believe â™« break it
â™« don't be afraid to shake it â™« the spine ain't afraid to shake it â™« in society cuz it's make believe â™« hey kids whachu know â™« what you think you're doing â™« i say pardon us â™« we're dancing for no reason â™« one, two, one two three, go â™« la, la la la, la la la,la la la, la la, la la la
(guitar solo and audience cheers) (jamming on guitar) â™« shout it â™« get right up and shout it â™« try it out, flout all the bounds â™« of society it's make believe â™« dream it, but you got to really mean it â™« there is no disagreement â™« the stage of society is make believe
â™« hey kids â™« what you know, whatyou think you're doing â™« pardon me for dancing for no reason â™« one two, one two three, go â™« tell 'em rabbit â™« well life's too short so share the love â™« you know it is, you know it is â™« do great things weknow they must be done â™« someone's got it worse than you
â™« you know he does, you know she does â™« so we're askin' you to share the love â™« la la la, la la la, la â™« (hissing and whirring) - well that was lovely, michael reed. michael reed, ladies and gentlemen. - thank you so much. - and those were lovelyharmonies, matt smith. - thank you, the spine.
first time he complimented me, too. (audience gasping) - well this calls for acelebratory handshake. - he's really softening up. - i think we should givegifts to the humans, in the form of food. - really? - yeah, they deserve it. did you eat those doritos,
did steve eat all of them already? - did you not get those? - steve, did you eat all those doritos? - i got, we got the bag. - don't they like, like,tuna fish sandwiches, or something like that? - humans do eat those sometimes. though there are some fishpeople in the audience, so we probably shouldn'tdo that to be offensive.
- are you guys vegan? anybody vegan, maybe theyjust want a vegan alternative? - hey, we got that pitcherfull of macaroni and cheese in the back, we could take it out here, and pour it down their throats,that would be good, right? - yeah, like a footballcoach, we'll dump it. - how about we get thatpitcher of macaroni and cheese? - alert. (high pitched chiming)
alert. anomalies detected in majorframework support system. code 483, primary support bolt torque at insufficient levels. structural failure possibilityincreased by 0.0005 percent. - well that's nothing robot, come on. - deactivating musical parameters. alerting walter girl maintenance network. (upbeat ambient music)
(drill whirring) - tighter, please. even tighter. (whirring) ahh, too tight! - oh, that's good, i'm all done. i said i'm done. i hate you. - oh, that feels magical, canyou hit the left side, please?
oh, how about a little lowerin the back, in the back? (whirring)lower, lower. (whirring)lower. (angry whirring) too low! oohhh! - i'm wound up tight enough, that really didn't do anything for me. - mm hmm. - i feel about the sameas i did before hand.
- thank you bee bop, for interrupting our, what was it again, ahandshake, or some cheese? i dunno. it wouldn't have been impressive, if we brought whatever thatwas out on stage anyways. who wants to see a-- - so people are coming up to me, and they're saying like, "hatchworth, bro, how do you robots,
write them awesome tunes?" - oh really, hatchworth,where do people ask you this? - you know, at thesupermarket, you know, vons, the whole foods? - so let me get this straight, people are coming up toyou in the grocery store, and asking you how you write songs, rather than wondering what aterrifying robot like yourself is doing in the supermarket?
- terrifying, huh? tell me what you really feel, buddy. - well no, robots-- - first of all, spine. i'm at the supermarket tobuy my organic produce, because it'll go bad in two days time. - but you don't eat,wait, hold on, hold on. the walters really letyou out of the manner, all by yourself, unattended?
- well-- - that's dangerous. - maybe, maybe. however, i sneak out of the walter manor, wearing my secret mustache disguise. on top of my regular mustache. - yeah, when i sneak out, to go to the mcdonald's, and watch people makepoor-poor life decisions,
in the form of chicken mcnuggets, the ladies are always coming up to me, and they're like, "oh rabbit, your mustache is so thick." "so much girth and texture and oils." "and they're scented, and iwanna kiss you on the lips." i'm like, "girl, woah, back off,security, security." and then i go and give jacka big mac if he's good.
it's a problem i have. someone's gotta haveit, might as well be me. - but rabbit, rabbit. you don't have a mustache. - when i sneak out, itoo wear a fake mustache. (mechanical grinding) - am i the only one whoobeys the walters rules, and doesn't sneak out of the manor, unattended, with a fake mustache?
- hmm, could be. - actually spine, that's why we gathered all these wonderful people here today, in our hometown of san diego! (audience cheering wildly) we're here to have an intervention, we're going to inaugurate you into the secret mustache society. - that's okay, i don't want in.
i do not want in, really, just-- - all the cool kids are doing it. - oh really, all the cool kids? - well hatchy and me, we're the only coo-coo-coo-coo-coo-coo-coolkids you'll ever need to know. - that's what i thought. - so cool. - yeah, we're the the, (sucking teeth)
gotta get the oil in there, and go. - i think i'm running out. - swing it? - then you overcompensate. (repeated clicking) (slapping both) - there there, guys, are you all right? - did you get the number of that bus? - no, no, but it was a big one.
- it was triangle unicorn sarsaparilla. - hey hey hey, hatchworth, you know, you were tellin' the audience about how you write songs, yeah? - yeah, i wrote a songabout the whole thing. - that's terrific. - maybe we'll just condense it into that, and we'll try that out. ready, fellers?
- ready. - one, two, one, two, three, four. â™« gather round â™« sit on down â™« forget your worries â™« what's lost is found â™« purge the data â™« break through strata â™« dust off your cpu
â™« put it to a new use â™« trying to get this one out â™« for a good long while â™« the centuries turn to the past â™« still i lay beguiled â™« involuntary remarks â™« for an old quandary anew â™« left in the dark â™« what's an old robot to do
â™« please explain â™« what to do with this wild goose â™« if there's nothing to chase â™« please explain, oh-oh â™« what to do when the screw turns loose â™« and there's nothing to gain â™« please explain it to me - i'll do my best, rabbit. it's a complicated concept though.
â™« if your mustache makes a sandwich â™« serve it on a platter â™« to lovely nouns, they need a verb â™« the panda climbs a ladder â™« if my mouth was made for mimicry â™« what's a bronze robot to chew â™« gum in my gears â™« and bat meat in my fancy shoes â™« what to do with a panda on the roof
â™« cuz it makes for good imagery â™« what to do with the batmeat in my fancy shoes â™« i could sell it to the panda â™« oh (digital synthetic musical tones) â™« i do not need uranium â™« or your fossil fuels â™« friction from curiosity â™« powers my hydro tools
â™« answers stem more questions â™« and grow my algorithms anew - do they? - yes, they do. â™« if there's no concepts to grasp â™« what would i, robot, do â™« what to do if the point is moot â™« what's a moot anyway â™« i don't know is it
â™« the meat in my fancy shoes â™« or the name of this wild goose â™« we need some good oldfashioned explaining â™« ee-ee â™« - i hope that clearseverything up for all of you. - crystal clear. - right. - please stop askingme while i'm trying to buy my organic produce,you get the point, kay?
- suppose so. you know what this part of the show is. at least we do, on stage. this is the social mediapart of the show i believe. - oh, haha. - maybe you wanna bein an instagram video? - nope. - oh, you know what? nah, they don't wanna be in a photo.
- just because of that, justbecause of the enthusiasm for the social stream, we'regonna play another song, okay? - i think you know what they really want. spine, you know whatyou have to do, right? - no, i don't know what i have to do. - come on bro, you knowwhat you have to do. - nah, i dunno. - quit playin'. quit playin' like you dunno.
- i dunno, i don't. - put it on. one sleeve at a time, that'show we do it in this band. - it's cold in here, brr. - you should see it from the back. bam bam, bam bam! he's got it all. - spawned by steam powered giraffe. only a thousand dollars for this jacket.
that's actually pretty cheap for chic. - 10,000 dollars. - okay, there you go. - hey uh spine, uh, hey, uh spine, uh, hey, uh, spine, uh, what are you staring at? - oh, hatchworth, i didn't see you there. i was just taking in thismajestic sunset over here.
- spine, i highly doubtthe sheraton four points can fit an entire majesticsunset into this room. - i'm pretty sure those are stage lights. - what a gorgeous sunset, with its pinks and purplesand periwinkle blues. those are colors iassociate with a sunset. so therefore, that is a sunset. (laughing awkwardly) - those are stage lights.
- oh, to be out on the range. riding the prairie, through cactus-laden valleys, jackrabbits spotted on the ground, and vultures fly overhead, cattle graze on that sweet,sweet hillside grass. gather around a campfire, tellin' stories, about the gold claimthat never, never was. layin' back on your saddle blankets,
pull your hat over your eyes, and fall asleep under the moonlight. dream about nothin' but thecountryside you grew up on. wakin' up early in the mornin', hookin' the oxen up to the wagon, and hittin' the trail before noon. you know, sarah, bless her heart. sarah comes down withdysentery, and she breaks a leg. the cattle runs free, andwe spend an entire day
looking for it, but it can never go back to domesticated life, even if we find it. sarah passes away fromdysentery, bless her heart. and we have to bury her. we erect a gravestone that reads, "here lies sarah." "she died of dysentery." "lol, that's super diarrhea." (audience laughing)
she would have wanted it that way. she would have wanted to be remembered as the girl who died of super diarrhea. super! duper! pooper! diarrhea. but, on the upside, we can finally up ourmeal rations to full,
and live like kings all the way to oregon. hyeah! - you know what was always really hard? throwing those spears at thefish in the amazon river. - uh no, that's a different game, that's uh, amazon trail. - i hate it, every time ibuild a new part of my house, i have to go back to tom nook the mayor, and he always asks me for more money,
because he's building anotherextension to my house. - no no, hatchworth, that'sa different game too, that's animal crossing. - oh, my bad. - oh to be wild and free as a tumbleweed, in the wicky-wicky wild west. - [together] jim west. desparado. rough rider.
no, you don't want nada. none of this, six gun in this, brother runnin' this, buffalo soldier, look it's like i told ya! (rapping and skipping) - no wait a second, wait a second, hold on guys, hold on. i don't think we have timefor all this daydreaming.
- but after earth-- - hey, hey, don't bea dummins, hatchworth. it is night time, itwouldn't be daydreaming, it would be night dreaming, which i suppose is regular dreaming. - you learn something every day, or night. - we'll work on that. - but, are you guysthinkin' what i'm thinkin'? - sure.
- i think it's time we saddle up. - side saddle. (cooing) nice dove, good dove. (choking) (creaking) - this town is big enough for all of us. wait, did i say that right? - there's a showdownat the awesome corral.
and you're all invited. (mechanical clinking) (grunting) - you need to ask yourself somethin'. do you feel lucky, well do ya, punks? - who's that supposed to be? - is that clint eastwood? - mine's not even from a western. - that's the best clinteastwood impersonation evar.
- thank you, thank you. - gimme a juicy juice, barkeep. and put it on the rocks. i want actual granitechunks floating in there. - i think you've had enough, partner! - i haven't had any! - i'll take a water, barkeep. and hold the lemon. - eh, spine.
gimme some of that water,we're gonna sharsies. - oh no, hatchworth. the water's free at this here saloon, so you can get yer own. - well you don't say! barkeep, two glasses of waterpoured into one big bowl, put a little squeeze of lemon for me, and two bendy straws inthe shape of friendship, cuz me and spine are gonna sharsies!
- uh no, hatchworth, we're not doin' that. we're not doin' that. - that's how it is, huh? i gotta a little song foryou then, my friend, huh? target acquired, oooh. (mechanical bubbling) - ahh, it's so strong! this juicy juice is a lot stronger than i thought it would be.
- take it easy there, partner. - it's gonna be okay, desparado. - yeah, it's just man country, you know? - you sure you're ready for man country? (sneezes) (groaning) - is that guacamole, cuz igot some tacos in my pocket. - why? what happened?
- guacamole. - that's it! - you really let yourself go, man! - i've had enough out of you! (punching) - it's a barroom brawl! - hey, hey. (crunching) - thank you.
- ow. we're robots. put your dukes up! - all right, you rapscallions. let's break it up! (gunshot) this court is now in session. (gulping, farting) - that's okay, i fold anyways.
- we're not playin' cards. - oh we aren't, are we? (slams invisible table into face) he folds too. - i'll say. - okay, i suppose we justgotta handle these things. now, let's move this over there. (mechanical crashing) - sorry, sir, about your puppies.
antique china set. it had puppies in 'em. drink a little, well you know. it'll go on for a while. all right, this is what we're gonna do. when michael "cowboy boot"reed plays the little ditty that goes, "bah da dow,row now-ow-ow-ow-ow." we're all gonna grab our hats, and slide our fingersacross left to right,
simultaneously, and lookreally cool together. - wait, but spine, whatif they don't have hats? - good question, rabbit, good question. - well, if they don't have a hat, they can use their imagination. - but spine, what if theydon't have an imagination? - rabbit, then they can go buy a hat! - right over there i think, maybe. so.
- they sell 'em over there, yeah. - now, you're not gonnawanna miss this part. gotta wait for the right moment. otherwise, we won't alllook cool simultaneously. you don't wanna be that oneperson, who doesn't look cool. with the rest of us. i promise. you'll have a really cool time with us. - i can feel it!
it's in my bones, if i had bones! there's a tingling in my left arm, and a tightness in my chest! - i don't think that's it. (whip snaps) - hey, watch it there! - sorry. (guitar jamming) â™« ever since the firsttime i opened my eyes
â™« i've awakened to the same thing â™« other automaton friendsroughly built like me â™« the first time iopened my mouth to speak â™« steam escaped through the air â™« black oil dripped from my lips â™« and onto the ground â™« daylight struck a chordwith my photo receptors â™« night greeted me with a sea of stars â™« our eyes all flashed blues and greens
â™« through the night â™« it's just our â™« automatonic â™« electronic â™« harmonics â™« people are soaring, always exploring â™« higher than they've ever been before â™« but we are still down here â™« feet on the ground near
â™« what will rise us up with the rest â™« our thoughts are quixotic â™« stark and robotic â™« mechanical in nature all the time â™« pulses are firing in our head wiring â™« guiding all our actions and beings â™« harmonic â™« i'm not an unimaginable thing â™« my thoughts are tangiblethough they're full of springs
â™« i don't have a heart tosend you wonderful words â™« my skin is cold to thetouch and made from the earth â™« they say oh, oh it's so down â™« but baby, its sound â™« makes your worries cease to pound â™« and oh, baby it's all right â™« cuz baby it fights for sometime just to be held tight â™« baby it's not wrong â™« cuz it sings a lovely song
â™« one that drifts on for so long â™« baby, let's not lie â™« it's eyes are alive â™« pointed up, shining light to the sky â™« epic, and so cool - 1, 2, 3, hyeah! ah! huh! hah!
hoh! â™« harmonics â™« - they liked it, hey, cool. i'm just gonna write atumblr about this real quick. - the social media again? - it's a game, it's a hard to quit one. - well yes, if everyone's doing it, might as well all takeout our cell phones. - just checking it out.
- at steam powered giraffe show. - can you wave in thebackground behind me, if you could just wave? - hey steve, can i get thesnare for the next couple songs, brought down incredibly? thank you. - who's that? bro. - hey, i got some catpictures here i gotta look up. cat tag.
dude! we're just at a show right now, there's some friends here you know? we just invited a few people. - oh no, that's funny though, that's good. - i'm gonna get so many followers. - i'll have to call you back, mom. yeah, it's been a long day. yeah.
no no no, that's funny too. - it's completely dark. (teeth sucking) now, i think we havetime for one more song. (sucking and fizzing) - ladies and gentlemen, michael "headset" reed! â™« yeah yeah yeah, yeah yeah yeah, yeah â™« say it one more time
â™« oooh â™« oohhh â™« - oh it's so hot in here. - what are you doin', rabbit? - nothin'. - it working. - keep doin' nothin' then. ay-ay-ay-ay-ay-ay. (mechanical clicking)
â™« please pay attention - that means you. â™« i think they'd like to thank you â™« for your time â™« - we'd like to thank you all for coming, to walter robotics expotuh-tuh-tuh-tuh-tuh 2013. thank you so much, abig hand for all of you. we couldn't have put thison without your support, ladies and gentlemen.
believe it or not. - a big hand for queen bees forhelping us orchestrate this. thank you queen bees. and thank you to the fourpoints, thank you for having us. we love your venue, ihope we can come back, winkity wink. now, who else we got to thank? oh, what about michael reed? - let's also give it up for matt smith.
he brings the fat beats,that's fat with a p-h-d. - let's also not forget steve negrete and our technical crew,all the way in the back! eric may, and rebecca. - matt, rebecca. - i'd also like to givea shout out to eric may on projection, rebeccabonebreak on lighting, and matt smith holding down back, matt wilson, holding it down backstage.
- lot of matts. - and chad the intern! - we'd also like to thankthe league of steam, for being here. losers, i believe the clockworkwatch was here as well, the electric giraffe, there'sa lot of people to thank. professor elemental, in fact come up here, on stage if you would, professor. let's also not forget dinostats, ladies and gentlemen.
- don't forget dino stats. whole gang's here. - now fellas, fellas. we've got this littlesong, it's a sing-along. - it's a sing-along. - and it's real easy, the walter girls might be joining you, and all you gotta do is dance and "la", when the time is right,well, you'll catch on quick.
plus, you guys look pretty, so. - you guys know how to play the bass? either of you know how toplay the bass pretty good? can you play the bass? can't play, okay that's cool, that's fine. yeah okay, well let's,we'll try again next time. one more thing. (clicking) attune your ears to the grinding gears.
â™« come with me, i'll showyou how to be a metal man â™« when the gears are turningand the fires are burning â™« when the world ticks around you â™« voices tocking all the time â™« and you live forfeelings you've never felt â™« because you cannot feel â™« colonel walter was shocked â™« when he learned from the nile â™« copper african elephants
â™« turning hostile â™« so he built thesewonderful automaton blokes â™« and a very big steampowered giraffe that smokes â™« now the war is past and over â™« we're left to sit and wonder â™« what is life and what is real â™« and why do living things need feelings â™« are you ready â™« here we go
â™« one two three â™« la-la-la-la-da â™« la-la-la-la-da, da â™« la-la-la-la-da, da da da da, dada â™« would you like try pumpinglead through your veins - sounds like a bad idea. â™« or have a heart so wet and cold â™« it starts rusting i already have one of those.
this is rude, come on! â™« when you live for sleepand you've never slept â™« because you cannot sleep â™« what is this leaking affecting my eye â™« does the oil that'sdripping mean this is a cry â™« will i ever be somethingwith feelings to hide â™« or i am i just a boilerwith nothing inside â™« i want all today â™« don't want to hear you say
â™« you can't do this, you can't do that â™« you're not a living thing with feelings - give it to me, baby! â™« la-da-da-da-da â™« la-da-da-da, dada â™« la-da-da-da-da-da, dada â™« wind me up, turn the gears â™« spark me up, turn the gears (drum solo)
â™« one two, one two, three four â™« colonel walter was shockedwhen he learned from the nile â™« copper african elephants turning hostile â™« a very big steampowered giraffe who smokes â™« oh oh, oh oh â™« oh oh oh â™« (evil laughter) - ladies and gentlemen,steam powered giraffe! (audience chanting "encore")
- [voiceover] warning, warning, warning. steam powered giraffe performancecycle has been completed. excessive sustained applausewill result in encore. encore (murmuring) activate. - okay, one more. - just remember, thisis all your fault, kay? - you coulda gone home. but instead you wanted one more. â™« one, two
â™« one two â™« hope i can make it â™« stop and break it â™« the doors are all locked down â™« flying on my feet â™« gotta reach that corridor â™« sirens are blaring â™« screams from the staring â™« as they watch him cry
â™« he's holdin' on ashe's ripped from the room â™« engulfed in flames,but they'll be out soon â™« oh, it's such a shame â™« of all the things to gowrong while out in space â™« fire, fire, burns much brighter â™« when oxygen is the supplier â™« fire, fire, is killing his desire â™« to not be cold as he expires â™« oh, burning in space
â™« i wake in a cold sweat â™« how could i forget â™« i've seen this all before â™« the red lights are spinning now â™« round and round as i hit the ground â™« warnings of pure dread â™« heard on the overhead â™« in a monotonic tone â™« there are men and womenin trapped in that room
â™« flames scorching them,but they'll be out soon â™« fire, fire, is killing their desire â™« to not be cold as they expire â™« and fire, fire's killed their desire â™« fire fire, burns much brighter â™« fire, fire, has killed their desire â™« when oxygen is the supplier â™« (singing in the round) - thank you ladies and gentlemen,
you've been a lovely audience!