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Thursday, December 1, 2016

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hey what's up you guys this is gabrieliglesias oh my god it's fluffy hell yeah it is and i'm here hanging outin san diego california get ready for my big show tonight. as you can see it'sreally big uh, it's not really big... you knowwhat i mean so anyways you guys this weekend is the encore presentationof my special aloha fluffy on comedy central

now... comedy central is only available in theus so for the rest of you worldwide i want to give you guys a nice big sneakpeek of the... of the special that is gonna be eventually available on dvd or if you hack it or however you get it but i like to know that i'm... i'm giving this one to you guys to enjoy so check this out this is my story aboutme going to saudi arabia and you'll see, there's a surprise at the end

cause i wasn't expecting this either so enjoy and please share it have fun! it's 23 minutes long so get ready my agent calls me up and he's says gabe check it out you're getting your request to performin the middle east i go really? ok cool army? navy? marines? air force?

who? actually, the request is coming from a prince run that by me again a prince i said... purple rain? not prince i said how do they know me? i don't know but they say that they know you and they want to hire you i go it sounds like a joke matt

trust me, it sounds legit all right... if it's legit, i'll tell you what give whoever a ridiculous figure and let them know that they have to wirethe money today otherwise forget it four hours later... gabe! what?

ridiculous just called... are you serious? i'm looking at the screen bro they wired all of it next thing i know welcome aboard saudi arabian airlines 17-hour flight you guys fromdetroit michigan to riyadh, saudi arabia and just so you guys know, i didn't go bymyself, ok? i took some friends with me nobody from this show

for obvious reasons the crew that i travel with everybody'shairy big nose goatee beard crazy eyes this are you kidding me with all of us werelike osama bin lopez you know what i'm sayin you don't know the hell we are so i took two other friends i took onefriend his name is edwin san juan was filipino works clean oh yeah and another buddy of mine namedlarry omaha whose native american who also works clean and all right

oh yeah sure hold on i want to look atthe camera hey larry omaha and once i want you guys have fans and they're herein hawaii get your asses over here anyway umm, so we had to riyah 17-hourflight from detroit as soon as we get there they flew us there first class by theway it was really nice and the plane is pulling up to the gate and you know it'sdoing the whole you know hmm and the tubes coming out to meet theplane as soon as a tube touches the plane all of a sudden the door on theopposite side of the plane pops open and a man in a suit gets on and he walksover to the three of us and he does this

and i'm sitting there freaking out likeoh my god this is like the movies and they pulled us off the plane and theyescorted us to this area called vip baggage claim and it sounds kind ofcrazy vip and i get there i realized all they're they're serving cookies and candy andcoffee and there's leather sofas and its really nice and there's nothing butmiddle eastern businessmen there okay and they're all talking about me i don'tunderstand arabic but everyone in this room understands when someone's talkingabout you the guys looking at me and he's like that

i'm sorry but this is universal and apparently this is arabic for damn! so then this other guy walks over to meand he's holding a sign and the sign has my name on it and he's really excitedhe's like it is you come come come did you come come me go oh we cool, so we grabour luggage and we followed him outside to the curb they have three lincoln navigator suvswaiting for us there's three comedians and there'sthree cars we're so paranoid that we're in

the middle east we all get in one car we're sitting in there, and we take off we're heading towards downtown riyahnow all i know up to this point about my experiencesthat i've already been paid my flight's been taken care of and ihave a point person who i'm supposed to meet at the airportwho's not there so i'm talking to the drivers excuse me sir where's this guy? it is ok i take you to him its ok it is ok and for me it's not okay because iresearch saudi arabia and you know you

think the rules in singapore are strictthe rules of saudi arabia are very very different ok and i don't want to offend anyone andi want to make sure that i don't say the wrong thing so i need to know you know some some ineed some info so i keep talking to the drivers of um sir would you mind helpingme with some questions whatever you need you ask i tell youit's okay okay okay um i apologize in advance if i come across rude ordisrespectful or ignorant but um how do you guys know about me here in themiddle east

what do you mean how do we know yeah howdo you know that i'm a comedian you have comedy central or hbo or showtime what is that that's a no that's whatthat is how do you know that i'm an entertaineroh your videos youtube my friend youtube you're huge you're the number two most famouscomedian in all of the middle east number two you're kidding i am not comedian i don'tkid no i'm the number two most famous comedian and all of the middle east

yes who's number one jeff dunham jeff dunham is the number one comedianin the middle east you guys don't find him at all offensiveoh no i kill you. when i heard that you guys i was likeyou know what they get it they get it so i'm like we're cool were sitting we'redriving were heading towards downtown all of a sudden the driver cuts thewheel really hard and we get off the freeway and now we're taking a side roadgoing away from the city and i'm like um excuse me where we going we're going to the show igo um

it says here that we're staying in thecity yes you're staying in the city but the show is somewhere else that doesn'tmake sense why would you have to show somewhere else how come you don't have itin the city and then he broke it down my friend here in riyah it is very different okyour type of entertainment is forbidden in the city there are people calledreligious police that hold up the traditions they keep it so that is verytraditional it is not allowed the social gatheringis a no no we must go somewhere secret in the desert

alright so how many people are you guysexpecting at the show is a little between seven to eight hundred peoplethat many? i told you number 2 and sureenough you guys we pull up to this racetrack in the middle of the desertand there's a there's a giant tent set up next to it and there's there's 800people roughly there for a comedy show and as soon as we pull up as soon as wepull over radio start popping out there radios, all of a sudden some guy runs up on the stage and theyhand them a microphone and he starts yelling to the crowd i don't know whathe's saying but i've seen enough hip hop

to recognize a hype man oh yeah he's out there and then i get the biggest introduction of my life, and now united states of america here he is gabriel iglesias and the crowd starts going fluffy! and when i heard that i freaked out my god this is gonna be an amazing show so i ran to the stage as fast as i could i'm not a runner but i booked it to the stageyou guys because i was so excited and when i got to the front

it clicked that in saudi arabia theystill have segregation and i didn't find out till the last second because i saw aline going down the middle and on one side men other side women and all the women in the front rowwere covered from head to toe all i saw was this oh yeah i had no ideai was performing for assassin's creed i didn't know that it threw me off so bad gabriel iglesias fluffy hey what's going on everybody, how you i froze i've been doing this for 15years i don't freeze but that threw me

off so bad i don't know what to say all of a sudden men start yelling myjokes at me my friend to the donkey the donkey hey chocolate cake a guy inthe front make fun of me hell no and the people started laughing the women were laughing just as hard asthe men you know granted some of them i couldn't see but for the most part islike and i'm not trying to be disrespectful you know better lathermoving and laughing i even had fun with one of the girls i said i saw your neckyou're going to get me in trouble

the saudis had such an amazing sense ofhumor they were laughing and carrying on and ihad no idea that they were going to be like that and then after the show i got a chance to meet some of thelocals and one guy was almost in tears he was so emotional he walks up to meand he's just like i cannot believe that i am standing here in front of you mr. fluffy thank you please please when you return to theunited states or whatever you travel let the people know what you saw ok letthem know that we're not all bad that we

are not all those bad people from foxnews okay you let them know because we see foxnews and fox news believe that everybody in middle east is bad everybody's terrorists everybody has abomb he has a bomb he has a bomb he has a bombopera is here giving away bombs everybody everybody please you let them know we're not allbad people okay we are not all terrorists my cousin maybewhat i kidding kidding kidding look at your face , look at your face i am doing to die

look at you a plane what plane, i got you again. two for two i got you, and he is raising my blood pressure every seven seconds and then he starts breaking it down for me how stand-upcomedy is starting to bring people together in the middle east and how he'sstarting to you know he's doing comedy it was really crazy the conversation you knowhere in the in saudi arabia people they like watching the stand up comedybecause we love to laugh ok we love to love it it's great tolaugh and people don't think that people in middle east have sense of humor they see videos they see tv they think we are thesame they say oh we middle east people are

angry look at that their face that angry everybodyangry everybody mad at everybody angry my friend we're not angry is hot ok it's a hundred and seventeen degrees everybody is not matter look ateverybody has a hot face hot face everybody i promise you give me airconditioning i am so happy we are ok we love to laugh i've been doing thestand-up comedy for about the six months now and i have jokes

good for you may i try, ohhh great alright man go ahead ok very nervousvery nervous ok here we go ok, here we go, two jews walk into a bar notin my country man you're gonna get my ass arrested bro we wound up doing shows all over themiddle east we were in riyad, bahrain dubai, qatar, doha and each show you guyswas more amazing than the last show not because there were so many peoplebut because the people were friendly they were fun they got all thereferences i couldn't get over that

i honestly thought that they were gonnabe like the people from fox news and i felt terrible i felt terrible because i was judgingthem i was prejudging them and i thought they were going to be a certain way andi felt bad because all those years people are doing that to me not really giving me a chance and i wasover there doing the same thing i felt so bad and then when i met the prince i wasstill judging 19 years old and he's a prince i thought he was gonna be a brat

he walks up to me and i was already likewhat's up i failed to realize that he's a prince and he was brought up to be aprince the way he carried himself heintimidated me in about 18 seconds ok i'm 36 and meet em wassup gabriel gabriel gabriel i understand that your name is gabrielle but in the arabic language your name isjibri i was welcoming you in our language oh i'm a dick

and i started already imagining what wasgonna happen i am so sorry i'm so sorry and he was so niceyou guys is like i want to thank you for coming here to riyad and doing all ofthese shows it was so beautiful to see everyonehaving such an amazing time from the little children in attendance all the way to the elderly people witha cane everyone had an amazing time everyone it was beautiful ok beautiful religiouspeople laughing religious police laughing

they don't laugh at shit i want you to understand how big this isthere was an american here entertaining people from middle east there was no violence no bloodshed noproblems everybody was smiling everybody was getting along it is possible andamerican was here an american was here he kept saying american americanamerican freakin telling me i'm a latino comic i had to go all the way around theworld to finally get called american i was excited i was like saying againamerican and then i had the most surreal conversation i've ever had with theperson he looks at me and he says i want

to thank you for everything i want toinvite you and your friends to come to my palace so that i may entertain you, are youfreaking kidding me i am not getting invited to a palace by a prince oh my god up until this point my onlyexperience with royalty was a burger king drive thru all of a sudden oneof those suvs pulls up and a guy jumps out in a suit and i guess his favoriteword was please cause that's all he said please please please please

are you kidding me there's a man ina suit trying to get me in the back of a lincoln navigator and there's a princeinvited me to his palace i'm not gonna lie i felt like a hotchick oh my god let's go hurry up bitch, let's go we get to the front of his palace youguys i'm not gonna lie it didn't look like a palace the walls are really high there's barbedwire around the entire property and there's two guys in the front withmachine guns i'm looking at this and i'm like this doesn't look like a palace, and i started thinking what if i'm on some messed up episode of middle eastern punk'd

you thought you go to palace, you to go prison, you're punk'd! fortunately the doors opened up and wedrive in and then they closed and when we got outside you guys what we saw was amazing outside desertinside palm trees bushes shrubs a pond, and he had exotic pets i know exotic pets because i know what ihave, over there, he's got a tiger freakin zebra, monkeys, and he had a freakin boa constrictor, are you kidding me snakes monkeys a zebra a tiger oh my godthat makes me kung fu panda and i started thinking what if hedecides to keep me

it sounds messed up but let me explainas an american you cannot just purchase an airline ticket to go to saudi arabia you have to be invited by a person ofpower you know when i left detroit to go over there i had to fill out a form that says iunderstand that i'm going to saudi arabia and should something happen to meone of those things on the list being kidnapping conveniently right abovedeath america is not responsible the princecould have actually your mine two weeks later now he's showing someone elsearound it is my snake, that is my zebra,

that is my mexican , that is my tiger, inside a box that says jibri but it never happened and we're walkingaround and actually pulled him aside for a second i said listen up i gotta tellyou something will you tell me i i need to apologize what did you do ididn't do anything i just want to apologize for coming here with the wrongmentality i says unfortunately i thought that andyeah just you know because it is the middle east i thought you guys are going to berude and everybody's been nothing but nice ahhh? i know i didn't think you guyswere going to speak english so well and understand you know so many referencesand you guys get everything ahhh i know!

i thought you guys were going to throwrocks but you're funny what never mind 2 out of 3 so we're walking and he's showing me this and that and we're just kind of like looking around ithought it was great and then i saw something that freaked me out we're walking in the direction of agiant cage and when i saw the cage i stopped i was like uh uh, what's with the cage? take a look great so i walk over towardsthe cage and i look inside and i noticed that there's birds in there and i okcool it's a birdcage

he got all offended, it's not regular birds, those are falcons i go ok, you have a lot of falcons, we use the falcons for hunting you hunt falcons? no no no each falcon isvery expensive 100,000 us dollars they are trained we go out and shoot alittle animal and we send a falcon to retrieve would you like to see no no no i got little dogs, i don't wanna, bye bruno before i know it here comes the otherguy please please and he goes inside the cage and he puts on this leatherglove that comes up to his elbow and he starts getting one of the falcons i'mwatching them do this and i noticed all the falcons are on these purches this high and there's about 15 in a row

and they all have hoods covering theireyes and i asked him why do they have hoods on their eyes they look like little hostages shit i'm sorry bro i meant no disrespect bythat man seriously nope no disrespect it was a slip and he wascool i understand middle east hostage haha so the other guy comes out and he's gota falcon with him he's got a glove and he hands me the glove and i put it onand he transfers his falcon to my arm

and all of a sudden he starts doingsnapping things and he's basically showing me that the falcons trained and ithought that was great we're going to kill something , noo, but we're just playing with the falcon and i started getting excited you know and the more excited i got themore the prince started showing his age because then he got excited like this isgreat it is great this is so cool so cool god you're so lucky to have so many falcons, i am so lucky would you like a falcon somatter-of-fact like would you like a

cookie would you like a falcon same way are you kidding me don't give me afalcon that can retrieve things shoot you think i'm lazy now hell no don't give me, oh no uh uh i wouldn't even leave the house i getthe front door donuts and who the hell is gonna watch myfalcon when i'm up here performing i can't leave it with my buddy martã­n inthe back you know he would abuse it take it tosome nightclub trying to hook up with a

freaking , the red head,

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